Every day during the month of November, I'm going to make a new and exciting "pew-pew" laser noise. Is this a good idea? Let's find out!
A classic! It's the Super-X Dynoblaster. An early, terrible laser blaster, it's mostly remembered today for its deeply satisfying pew-pew noises.
Nobody is particularly nostalgic for the LNZX 7 Mining Laser, here backed by the distinctive crackling of hyperzinc.
The ill-advised Chronoablative Hyperbeam was fired only once, vaporizing its own creation. Its name, some early technical drawings, and this field recording are all that remain.
The tiny Delexine L4 was marketed as "the discreet blaster", but anyone with an ear within a parsec could instantly recognize its distinctive "pew pew".
The infamous Vaxgnoll Tribeam was a masterpiece of mid-transsirian engineering, but today is mostly remembered for having nearly melted the congressional pressure vessel of the Pan-Galactic Crystal Parliament as part of the insidious Photonigon Plot.
The Rodor Multishot was the first commercially viable auto-firing laser, but was heavy and prone to overheating after just a dozen shots or so.
The crackling buzz of a Csondarian Elimination Phaser was the last thing many a deep-well blockade runner would hear.
It's no joke when you find yourself under attack by the vicious Span-Zek from the Clown Nebula! Although small, their starfighters carry a surprisingly large crew compliment, all of them bent on your destruction!
The Randorganelle is an alien computer that likes to visit human outposts from time to time. It also likes to zap them with its analyzer-disassembler, so it is rarely a welcome guest.
The Voxstar modular laser rack was never an effective weapons system, but it did enjoy a brief resurgence of popularity among audiophiles in the 27th century.
The Alva-Beethoven Hypersystem generated unpredictable pews that would loop through wormspace in an unfathomable manner. Nobody is sure why these were built, or by who.
Sgt. Fuddrick Fungermust of the Outer Scouts describes, in their own words, the events of the Battle of Harblon Nebula.
The Ungrant-Knowl Photon Entanglement Cannon. Your basic workhorse pew-pew. When you're looking for a space gun that's effective and not too flashy, reach for a Ungrant-Knowl Photon Entanglement Cannon.
Grand Admiral Tufferup, Hyperchief of the Sub-Galactic Doom Fleet, gives their perspective on the Battle of Harblon Nebula.
We'd always seen cetaceans as kind, playful: wise leviathans of the deep, frolicking in the waves. A misconception shattered in an instant at the outbreak of the first Whale-Dolphin Laser War in 2072.
Your basic Pong Pew, in the tradition of the Atari Blastmaster 9000.
On the outskirts of the ancient, ruined megapolis of Krell, a rogue Psychromodroid mercilessly attacks a smuggler encampment.
Only 4XC9-quadrant kids will remember the thrumming of an ultrabeam transit on the way to indoctrination therapy sessions.
The tuned-chakra simulasers of the Crystal Manifold Dynamics cult were meant to instantly induce enlightenment on a planetary scale, but only succeeded in giving the Minister of Abstruse Affairs a splitting headache for the next seven hours.
Every Millitraxipedian military parade culminates with one of their tiny drummers beating a tattoo prior to the ceremonial firing of the absolutely adorable MTP-IV Self Propelled Laser Cannon, which is all of thirty-four millimeters long.
Audacity, Field recording
The Sagittarian Gravitational Intensifier can give just about any large mass an event horizon in moments.
Audacity, Field recording
Paxaurical Industries produces a line of whisper-quiet lasers for use in public libraries and other facilities where silence is golden. Only the tell-tale clicking of dephaser relays and a low hum betray the fact that the high-powered Ultraplus Disruptor has gone into operation.
The Northrop-DuPont HyperBuster was developed for the United States Space Force at a cost of $7.2B, was delivered twenty-six years behind schedule, and was fired exactly twice.
A Haliform Warpdrifter fires off a few quasiphase graviton blasts.
The Canopian Pan-vortex Matter Disruptor has an impressive name, but the pew pew sounds it emits are astoundingly pedestrian.
Audacity, Field Recording
The Exhabitating Warden of Automated Station XII provides you with a brief moment to compose yourself.
The world of Neroni Umbalia performs a planetary warp to another star system with more predictable solar cycles.
The expulsion end of Oglian Time Portals emits an audible chime when it appears in local space to alert nearby beings to the rapid ingress of high terror chrono-stress.
A field recording of an average day near the high-traffic Tristar Gate of Sector 19.